Monday, August 22, 2011

Startling Revelations at the Gym

In every campaign there are specific campaign settings and unique terminology involved.  Unless you trained in dungeoneering (aka studied up on the players guide), you're going to feel a little lost.  Evidently, the same goes for internet dating, the campaign I wish I never had to run.

At the gym this evening, a friend of mine, who is apparently better trained in dungeoneering than I am, explained the terminologies of internet dating and why I've been confused all this time.  Apparently it wasn't my diplomacy and charisma that were my issues, it was the fact that I was completely misinterpreting what was supposed to be happening all this time.  Here is what she told me men are REALLY looking for when they state the following:

"Girl with active lifestyle" really means "Girl who never stops moving and can run 10k's without a sweat."
"Girl who takes care of herself" really means "Girl who's super skinny and in shape."
"Girl who likes to be healthy" really means "Girl who lives at the gym."

If this is true, then it completely explains why I have been thus unsuccessful in completing this campaign.  However, I will say that I've noticed the following translations when men speak of themselves:

"Man with average body type" really means "Man who's got many extra pounds."
"Man who likes to be healthy" really means "Man who spends every waking moment at the gym."
"Man who enjoys gaming" really means "Man who lives in his mother's basement so he can do nothing but game all day, every day."

The majority of my experiences with this campaign makes me think that perhaps I should try again after I level up for awhile.  Currently my opinion of the majority of NPC's in this campaign can best be summed up by The Guild:  "That was a buffet of humanity I wish I never had to sample."

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Endurance Checks have Unexpectedly High DC's

Friday night proved an interesting night out.  Dancing with friends, hooray!

We went to a local bar where my friend, the Elf Ranger, has a sister who works there.  We arrived to find bad music, worse bar girls working, and worst of all, they had removed the karaoke room.  Even as a zealous assassin with 9 charisma I think I gave these bar girls a run for their money.

At any rate, we visit the Ranger's sister and have a few shots.  The names of the shots?  Boner and Sweet Pussy.   *sigh*  I think whoever came up with that should lose 50 xp for that.

Afterwards we headed into one of the rooms in the club for dancing, only to find rap music blaring.  Unfortunately, it did not take a passive insight of 25 to sense that this music was god-awful.  After visiting the bar for a couple of vodka red bulls, we headed out to the next room, which was playing country music.

Country music, oy vey.  More drinks, this time long island ice teas.  Thank heavens, I now have a -5 penalty to perception, acrobatics, and hit, and I grant combat advantage to everybody, but I can now tolerate the country music.

My party apparently has higher constitution modifiers than I do, because they then lead me on to the last room, which is playing 80s music.  Okay, this room is better.  Thankfully, I have a dexterity modifier 6, and 19 acrobatics without rolling, so even with the -5 penalty I still manage to stumble along moderately and pass myself off as dancing.  Good times ensue, until I discover I am also expected to dance to Vanilla Ice.

By now I've had many, many drinks in order to endure all the bad music.  Either I'm rolling badly or the DC checks for endurance are becoming higher and higher as the evening progresses.  I finally get to the point where I roll a natural 1 and can no longer continue the night.

Much to my relief!!!  Someone please stash me in a Bag of Holding and take me home!!!  I need an extended rest!!!

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Lingerie Shopping = Total Party Wipeout

Lingerie shopping.  I hate shopping in general.  Lingerie shopping, however, is special in that I simultaneously love and hate it.  I went with a friend today because she needed a new bra.

Let me begin by asking WHO in heaven's name needs to wear a size 40FFF bra.  Is there a racial bonus that makes this happen, or does one simply take the feat Silicon Valley to make this happen?

Secondly, why are all the bras that are on sale the size 40FFF mentioned above?  Don't regular people need sales on bras too?  Why should I have to pay more for a bra just because I have a normal chest size?

Lastly, how long does it freaking take to buy a bra???  Must one really try on every single bra in the store to find one that holds boobs???  Don't they all do the same damn thing???  All bras fit the same armor slot, last I checked.

I'll grant you this.  The set bonus for having matching bras and panties is pretty awesome.  :)  That I DO like about lingerie shopping.  The set bonus, and the charisma bonus.  My diplomacy rolls are much better when I'm wearing a corset.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

What's with women and ladies' rooms???

I'm not sure I understand, and I'm a woman myself.  I step out of my office to head down the hall to the ladies' room today, and another woman who was in the hallway latches on to me as I head in and starts chatting it up with me.

Now, I personally prefer to be alone in the ladies' room.  I have no desire for conversation.  I don't really find it's the greatest place to make new friends.  Honestly, it's completely awkward for me to attempt to respond to this woman's vivacious smalltalk while I'm trying to attend to the business at hand.

Did I miss something, or are there a lot of women out there who insist on having a Pick-Up-Group whenever going to the ladies' room???  Are women unable to go to the ladies' room alone???  I have never found it necessary to flank myself with a bunch of DPS to go to the ladies' room.  I haven't had any alcohol to drink, so it's not like I need a healer on hand for Heal checks.

Ladies out there, bathrooms are not random dungeons!!!  You are not going to encounter any mobs in there!!!  Unless you are stopping at a Rest Area in Compton, California, there is no need to gather an entire group to campaign with you for this!  The bathroom is NOT the place to work on your diplomacy rolls, please, roll Stealth and just do your thing and leave me alone so I can do mine, okay?  If you had a decent Insight check you'd probably be able to see that I have no desire to converse with random strangers in the ladies' room, but clearly you rolled a natural 1 on that.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Day One of the Anti-Avenger

First blog.  Forgot to read Blogging for Dummies before starting.  Unfortunately, the Dungeon Master's Guide doesn't include bits on how to blog.  The Monster Manual doesn't list the demons that plague me with writer's block as I attempt to figure this out like a level one newb on my first campaign.  I must have started this out with a low Intelligence stat, because I have no idea what I'm doing.

I'm an oxymoron, which I enjoy being very much.  As an Evil aligned elf avenger, it only seems right that I call myself the Anti-Avenger.  After all, I'm not exactly using my "godly" powers for good deeds, am I?  I attend the Atheist Meetup Group meetings with my friends, although I'm not actually an atheist.  I don't believe in organized religion, yet nor do I condemn those who do.  Who am I to judge?  My wisdom modifier really isn't high enough to make that DC roll, so I think I'll leave that to someone far more worthy than I.

After having been on the earth for 29 human years now, I'm considered to be a mid-level character these days, marked by my being a level 16 avenger.  Who am I avenging?  Eh, I'll let you know when I figure that out, the campaign's not over yet.  :)  Still going strong, day by day, encounter by encounter.

Latest encounter was to the Renaissance Festival here in town this Spring.  Went with three other friends, had a great time.  Partook of the mead and refreshments, wouldn't you know it, I over-indulged.  Ended up taking a penalty to perception and insight checks, and suddenly everything seemed to become difficult terrain.  Moving at half my movement speed is not my usual MO, but we still had a great time and fun was had by all.

This brings me to an interesting point.  Two of the friends who went with me were of the fairer sex, and prefer to remain on their side of the fence, so to speak.  Oddly enough, every man who walked through our path was mesmerized by them and couldn't resist.  I personally found this to be quite hilarious, seeing as how I know they will NEVER be able to pass the diplomacy DC for these two ladies, given they are not anatomically attractive to them.  The men, however, didn't know this, so needless to say, nothing could stop them from trying.  This makes me wonder, do lesbians have higher charisma bonuses than straight women?  They clearly have higher diplomacy and bluff rolls than the rest of us, what is it that gives them those skill bonuses?  Something mystical about them seems to cause men to fail their perception checks, because they don't seem to understand that they're not going to be able to convince them to change teams spontaneously.  Someone's going to have to clue me in on this, because as a straight woman, I can see that I'm going to have to get my charisma bonuses elsewhere.

That'll do for the night.  It's time for an extended rest.  I'm all out of surges and dailies have all been used.  We'll move on to the next encounter after I've regained my hit points and action points.  :)  Carry on then!